7 Mistakes to Avoid When Messaging on a Dating Site

The world of online dating is hectic and competitive. If you want to stand out from the crowd, you need to bring your A game to every single exchange.

Not getting the response you’ve been hoping for from your messages? We can help. Read on to learn the seven worst mistakes you can make when messaging with a potential date—and what you should do instead.

1. Sending one-liners and one-word messages

You can have great pictures and awesome profile descriptions, but if you’re sending a simple “hello” or “hi,” don’t expect to get many responses. This is true on general dating sites like Match or even sites and apps focused on hookups. Other one-liners that are sure to tank are “hi gorgeous,” “you’re beautiful,” or “hey, how’s it going?”

Sure, these kinds of messages save you time, but it’s also going to leave you dateless on Saturday night. A woman wants men to pursue her. And that means making an effort with your messages. Try checking out her profile and using the info there to lay some common ground.

If you’re both movie buffs, why not point that out to her? Ask her what she’s seen lately or what her favorite classic film is. When she sees that you not only took the time to read her profile but that you also share an interest, she will definitely respond.

One-liners that are sure to tank are “hi gorgeous,” “you’re beautiful,” or “hey, how’s it going?”

2. Not being creative

One of the worst things a man can do when messaging on a dating app is to send the exact same message to multiple ladies. Even if you’ve crafted a well-worded message, if it’s too generic, women will know what you’re up to.

We’re not saying you’ll crash and burn if you use cut and paste, but you have to know HOW to use it to get results. By all means, craft a few opening message templates. But tweak them a bit for each woman to truly set you apart from other guys.

As we said earlier, taking your cue from her profile is a great way to start a conversation. Craft a few standard messages based on each individual woman to save time and make your notes more authentic.

Centering messages around shared hobbies is always a good conversation starter. Another tried and true method is to pose a clever question. For instance, if a woman’s profile reveals she’s a foodie, ask about her favorite dessert. “If you could only eat one dessert for the rest of your life what would it be? A. cheesecake, B. chocolate chip cookies, C. crème brulée or D. ___?”

If the woman you’re interested in is into traveling, then change your poll to reflect that.

This type of message almost always gets a response because it asks her opinion about something she’s passionate about.

3. Telling her your life story

Online dating can be tricky. While your first message should be unique and authentic, you’ll want to make sure you don’t go overboard on the details. If your first note to a woman rivals War and Peace in length, she won’t even read it, let alone respond.

If you launch into why you’d be a great match for her or tell her your life story, you’re making your message all about you. The key is to make it about her. You can do that in three to four lines if you employ the strategies we listed above. Other ways to catch her attention are using humor (but only if you’re actually funny) or by giving her a compliment that shows your sensitive side rather than how horny you are. If, for instance, her profile mentions volunteering, tell her how impressed you are by her generous spirit. This type of compliment will set you apart from all of the over-sexed guys commenting on her figure.

4. Going overboard on the compliments

There’s not a woman alive that doesn’t enjoy being told that she’s sexy. But if you lead with “you’re so hot,” or “you’re gorgeous,” she’s going to assume you’re only into her because of how she looks.

If you do want to let her know you find her attractive, avoid using cliche compliments like “beautiful” or “stunning.” Say something like, “I bet your smile lights up the room”.

As we mentioned already, your best bet is to be subtle and creative with your compliments. Once you get the conversation rolling, compliment her intelligence, her personality or her sense of humor. After getting told she has an amazing body by 100 other guys, you noticing her non-physical attributes will be a breath of fresh air.

If you do want to let her know you find her attractive, avoid using cliche compliments like “beautiful” or “stunning.” Say something like, “I bet your smile lights up the room,” or “it looks like you’re in great shape, I can tell you take good care of yourself.” Both of these acknowledge that you like what you see, but in a suave way she’ll appreciate.

5. Being careless with your grammar

First impressions are everything. If your first message is riddled with spelling mistakes and grammar issues, the impression you make isn’t going to be a favorable one.

Not everyone is a born writer, but you can put your best literary foot forward by using a free online tool. Using a tool both to check for mistakes and to help you improve the overall flow of your message is always a smart move.

6. Being too eager

If you ask women out on dates without taking the time to get to know them or look to needy in your profile description, you’ll come across as desperate. At worst, you’ll seem like a guy who’s just out to get laid.

Ask her about what makes her tick before popping the date question to show your interest in her as a person. It will also make that first date easier. If you already know what she’s interested in, you’ll be better prepared to engage her in conversation.

7. Talking about sex too soon

There’s a whole lot of guys out there who try to start a conversation with crude one-liners. Sending a “You’ve got great legs. I wish I was between them” message isn’t going to go over well with 99% of women. Very few will even respond to sexual comments unless it’s to say they’re not interested.

Don’t talk about sex until you’ve already established some rapport. Start with light flirting and gradually ramp it up.

By avoiding these seven big blunders and following our fool-proof tips, you’ll be enjoying a surge in your success rate in no time.


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